Partially written on Wren's actual Birthday after she went to bed. I couldn't bring myself to write this in advance of her actual 1st Birthday for fear of speeding up time un-necessarily. And then this past week flew by and I just got around to finishing the post.
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It feels like Christmas tonight. Staying up way too late, not wanting the day to end because I love it that much. Even though tomorrow I'll wake and still have all my presents to play with, there will inevitably be a pit in my stomach. Because this day, the day that I tried to slow down and keep from coming so fast, is here and gone.
I'm a mom that loves first years. It's really, really hard for me to be leaving our baby days behind us. It feels like it might not get better than this. These first 365 days - they are some of the best days. Of course I know there are so many more best days to come.
One of the truisms of parenting is that parenting doesn't get easier, you get better at it. Okay. It doesn't get easier, but I get better at it. But does it get harder? No comment. You grow into it and get better at it - I have to remind myself of that.
But I do worry that while I've grown into being a really good first year mom, I may not be the best first year + almost third year + almost fifth year mom. Not all together, three kids at once, all in odd years, good mom. Dear God, I hope I grow into this fast!
You might notice where I'm going with this.
Parenting doesn't get easier, you get better.
Love multiples, time divides.
Best days have to end to make space for more best days to come.
If there's anything I've learned in life (and parenting), it's that there are always opposing forces. One wouldn't hold so much weight in your heart and mind if the other one wasn't threatening it. It forces you to be ever so mindful of what you're choosing to focus your energy on. And find ways to blend the dichotomies so they work together rather than against each other. This is kinda like siblings, come to think of it.
Before I stray any further from what this post was intended to be about, Happy First Birthday, Wren!
One year!
Being the third baby you've got a lot of things going for you. Most notably is the benefit of more sure parenting. With the first baby I would seek out confirmation for choices I made or milestones met (or not met) by Max. But now...I have utter confidence in your own abilities. I am confident that all is ok - perfect. Just as it should be for you. For this baby. Your abilities and emotions will be uniquely yours and develop at your pace. I don't feel the need (nor do I want to use precious minutes) to seek out an "average" time for when you should be moving, talking, tantruming, etc.
With experience I've realized that the best and most memorable milestones are the ones that are unique for that particular child. Things Otto says are totally different than what Max said because they express themselves differently. Otto says certain things and I just laugh because it's so fresh and so him - Max never would have uttered some of the comments or made some of the observations Otto makes. And each child has her own "first" milestone.
But you all reached your first birthday in the same amount of time. An incredibly fast 365 days.
It's been a memorable year, Wren. Very special. Filled with love and excitement and chaos. Speaking of, Wren doesn't need all these special parameters she needs to fall within in order to be peaceful, content, happy and safe. She seems to smile because of the chaos, rather than in spite of the chaos around her.
Wren, you are calm in your heart. You calm my heart.
So much love for you now and always.
I'm a mom that loves first years. It's really, really hard for me to be leaving our baby days behind us. It feels like it might not get better than this. These first 365 days - they are some of the best days. Of course I know there are so many more best days to come.
One of the truisms of parenting is that parenting doesn't get easier, you get better at it. Okay. It doesn't get easier, but I get better at it. But does it get harder? No comment. You grow into it and get better at it - I have to remind myself of that.
But I do worry that while I've grown into being a really good first year mom, I may not be the best first year + almost third year + almost fifth year mom. Not all together, three kids at once, all in odd years, good mom. Dear God, I hope I grow into this fast!
Another parenting truism is that love multiples (exponentially, I might add). And time divides (also exponentially, I'm afraid). Joe and I continue to be so grateful that we have our kids close together in age. But man it feels hard some days.
You might notice where I'm going with this.
Parenting doesn't get easier, you get better.
Love multiples, time divides.
Best days have to end to make space for more best days to come.
If there's anything I've learned in life (and parenting), it's that there are always opposing forces. One wouldn't hold so much weight in your heart and mind if the other one wasn't threatening it. It forces you to be ever so mindful of what you're choosing to focus your energy on. And find ways to blend the dichotomies so they work together rather than against each other. This is kinda like siblings, come to think of it.
Before I stray any further from what this post was intended to be about, Happy First Birthday, Wren!
Wren in the colorful outfit she wore to school to celebrate her Birthday
Being the third baby you've got a lot of things going for you. Most notably is the benefit of more sure parenting. With the first baby I would seek out confirmation for choices I made or milestones met (or not met) by Max. But now...I have utter confidence in your own abilities. I am confident that all is ok - perfect. Just as it should be for you. For this baby. Your abilities and emotions will be uniquely yours and develop at your pace. I don't feel the need (nor do I want to use precious minutes) to seek out an "average" time for when you should be moving, talking, tantruming, etc.
With experience I've realized that the best and most memorable milestones are the ones that are unique for that particular child. Things Otto says are totally different than what Max said because they express themselves differently. Otto says certain things and I just laugh because it's so fresh and so him - Max never would have uttered some of the comments or made some of the observations Otto makes. And each child has her own "first" milestone.
But you all reached your first birthday in the same amount of time. An incredibly fast 365 days.
With my first child it was reassuring when he wanted ME. It meant I was doing something right - that he was seeking me. That I could console him and make it all better. And undoubtedly it's true that I was doing something correct. And with you, Wren, I've realized it also means something SO GREAT when you don't always need ME to put a smile on your face. I've heard that my job as a parent isn't always to make my kids happy. It's to help my kids learn how to make themselves happy. At the tender age of one I think you understand this as well as I do.
I love that you are happy with other people. Your brothers playing with you. Your friends and teachers at school. Even the other parents at school. I can't tell you the number of other moms and dads who have stopped me to share stories of how they walked into your room at school and how you crawled right up to them and into their lap. I like that you are open to accepting affection from others, that you are comfortable in a variety of settings. Let's be honest though - Joe and I comment that you could at least be a little more discernible...do you need to crawl into everyone's lap?! Point being, I would not have been ready for this with my first baby. Of course it helps that I still get the REAL expressions of excitement from you...
Most nights when I pick you up there's a good story about you climbing and jumping (a few months back they told me they moved the slide from your room for a bit because you kept jumping off the top of it). The other day I walked in and squealed when I saw you, Wren. You had been put into a new outfit because yours had gotten dirty earlier in the day. Immediately I noticed we were now dressed nearly identical. Wren had a blue and white striped onesie on with red bloomers. I was in my blue and white striped shirt and red skirt. Had I a yellow barrette in my hair, we surely would have been mistaken as twin sisters:) As soon as I saw her I lit up with delight at my mini-me and Wren broke into huge belly laughs as she took off running for my arms.
I love that you are happy with other people. Your brothers playing with you. Your friends and teachers at school. Even the other parents at school. I can't tell you the number of other moms and dads who have stopped me to share stories of how they walked into your room at school and how you crawled right up to them and into their lap. I like that you are open to accepting affection from others, that you are comfortable in a variety of settings. Let's be honest though - Joe and I comment that you could at least be a little more discernible...do you need to crawl into everyone's lap?! Point being, I would not have been ready for this with my first baby. Of course it helps that I still get the REAL expressions of excitement from you...
Most nights when I pick you up there's a good story about you climbing and jumping (a few months back they told me they moved the slide from your room for a bit because you kept jumping off the top of it). The other day I walked in and squealed when I saw you, Wren. You had been put into a new outfit because yours had gotten dirty earlier in the day. Immediately I noticed we were now dressed nearly identical. Wren had a blue and white striped onesie on with red bloomers. I was in my blue and white striped shirt and red skirt. Had I a yellow barrette in my hair, we surely would have been mistaken as twin sisters:) As soon as I saw her I lit up with delight at my mini-me and Wren broke into huge belly laughs as she took off running for my arms.
As I move beyond your first year, I mourn leaving our baby days behind us. I cannot believe how quickly we entered and have already exited this entire stage. One day Joe and I were trying to figure out if we were ready for kids. And, well, I guess in some ways we're still grappling with that :)
I love this stage. I love being a young mom (or a mom with young kids). As a girl I always pictured myself at this point in my life. A young mom. The first years. So it's hard to come to terms with the end of it.
In addition to just loving this time, I also wonder if it's been my "safety net" to hide behind. Some people keep their hair exactly as it's been for decades to feel safe. I like the "safety" of saying I have three young kids. Even safer when one was under a year old. Although I don't feel like I need an excuse, it's nice to have the safety net. Should I not get something done, should I not acheive what I wanted, should I look like poo and have not washed my hair for a full week...well, it's ok. I have three kids under four years old. It's scary walking a little further away from that safety net each day now. The hair washing stresses me out.
It's been a memorable year, Wren. Very special. Filled with love and excitement and chaos. Speaking of, Wren doesn't need all these special parameters she needs to fall within in order to be peaceful, content, happy and safe. She seems to smile because of the chaos, rather than in spite of the chaos around her.
"Peace. It doesn't mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart."
Wren, you are calm in your heart. You calm my heart.
So much love for you now and always.
Surrounded by the love of her big brothers
Happiest Birthday to our little girl. May all your wishes come true.
Happy Belated Birthday to Wren! You should seriously consider baby modeling. With that beautiful hair and sharp blue eyes - she is a shoe in. Adorable. I am awaiting your Halloween post. I am sure you had a blast.
ReplyDeleteTillie's Grandma