Here We Go...

So here I am, writing on a Saturday. But it's not just any Saturday; it's actually a weekend Saturday. For the past 6 months Saturday hasn't really felt like a weekend because the Mondays that followed never required me to go to a job outside our home. In just another day I will need to wake early(ier), shower & get ready, put on fancier clothes and say good-bye to my littlest one for the longest amount of consecutive time since she was born.

In fact, today is more likely than not to be the last "free" Saturday - a day with no career responsibilities looming overhead - until I retire. Unless of course we take a sabbatical and travel across the globe before retirement (I'm hopeful that it could happen).

I'm in a weird spot emotionally with all of this. I took six months off, knowing full well that this is almost certainly my last maternity leave, and therefore am "ready" for the next of our "new normals" to begin. I went into this maternity leave knowing that I do want to return to work part-time rather than stay home full-time. During my time out of the office I really enjoyed my time at home.

And of course that's what makes it tough to go back to the office. For the past few months I've joked with Joe that "I don't know how I'm going to fit a job, even a part-time one, into my busy schedule." I have packed my days full this past half a year.

A dreamy combination of just being with Wren, visiting Max & Otto at school and helping out, cooking nightly meals and packing lunches, crafting and sewing, writing, running and running errands. Not cleaning. Never cleaning, unfortunately.

Other than the ever present dust and dog hair underfoot, I feel like when Joe and the boys were home the past six months we mostly got to hang out versus having an endless list of things to do, just.to.get.us.ready.for.the.next.day. I'm freaked out wondering how, after Monday, we're going to have clean clothes to wear, lunches packed, dinners to eat and new fabric on hand to create with. Don't even get me started with how I'm going to have a clear enough mind to just be with my family despite the mountain of stuff that needs to get done. To put it into corporate lingo, my "stretch goal" will be just being and my "critical limiters" are going to be petty household chores. But, always good to have goals!

With all my worry about How are we going to do this!?! Joe says "We'll figure it out."

To which I reply, "But we haven't figured out how we're going to figure it out yet."

Sometimes the fantastical story lines that run in my mind, parallel to the actual story taking place in my life, keep me moving forward.

For a couple months now I've dreamed of my first day headed back to the office. I'll be all polished and put together. A perfect blend of effortless style. Just corporate enough to wear to work and plenty casual enough to make myself and others take note of my joie de vivre. And this is only the beginning of this little mental story telling taking place in my mind. Here we go...

I've even got the script of the conversation that's going to take place between myself and the boy's teachers on Monday morning.

Summer: "Hi Max's Teacher"

Max's Teacher: confused look on her face, not sure who this woman is saying Hi to her.

Summer: "Hi Teacher, it's Summer"

Max's Teacher: still confused. Who is this woman saying Hi to me?

Summer: "Summer. ...Schuster."

Max's Teacher: nothing

Summer: "Max's mom. Max Schuster's mom. It's me, Summer."

Max's Teacher: "Oh, my! Summer, I didn't recognize you! I thought maybe you guys had hired a new young, slim, pretty and fashionable french au pair to take care of your kids and do drop-off in the morning."

Ok. That's about the extent of my back to work fantasy.

It's little stories like these made up in my head that keep me motivated to return to work. Ahhh, the power of the possibility of a compliment to motivate. The necessity of vanity to get me out of bed and get work-ready beginning this coming week.

That, AND the fact that most of my best friends are back at the office. I'm super excited knowing I'll be able to grab a coffee with them or have lunch or stop by and say hi or just sit in a boring meeting with them. I should have thought more about this, because it's making me kind of excited for Monday all of a sudden!!!

And Joe's keeping my feet on the ground, continually reminding me that we most certainly are not the only working parents with three kids.

We'll figure it out.